MirandaDevine.com

OK, fine, I lied in my last post. I never “research” articles. “Research” is the preposterous activity conducted only by people who work in universities. Everybody knows that universities are the breeding ground for left-wing extremists. I haven’t visited a library since September 11, 2001, as to do so would bring me just one step closer to violent jihad. Besides, you left-wing, cheese-eating, latte-sipping surrender monkeys, the possibility that my 100% correct point of view might be swayed is repugnant. Fuck off back to your chardonnay cellars and electric cars - I am the Battler’s Princess.

I heard about the axing of Donald Rumsfeld this week and I mourned his passing. Unfortunately, there are now only three people left in the world who unshakingly maintain that the Iraq liberation was a good idea: Dick Cheney, John Howard, and Me. Everyone else is either incorrect, a member of an axis of evil somewhere, or not reading enough of my column.

But that aside, let’s talk about Rummy. What a guy! Such strength to face the oppressive, biased, left-wing, chardonnay-drinking sympathy monkeys who refer to themselves as the “neutral media” and provide moving responses such as:

“Freedom’s untidy, and free people are free to make mistakes and commit crimes and do bad things.” and

“Looting in Iraq following the U.S invasion? Mmm. Stuff happens”

Let’s ignore Iraq for a second (always a good way to go these days) and talk in populist terms for the benefit of my fans out there in middle Australia. Rummy is totally right! Freedom is bloody untidy. Thanks to John Howard’s excellent policies and no thanks to those pinko types, I am free to drive my air-conditioned Toyota Monstrosity Landstalker Edition wherever I please. But every now and then, I back over a toddler or two, and I have to scrape the little tike off the back tyre. This is messy. Whenever I drive through Redfern or Bankstown I am so horrified by what I see that I cover my eyes, floor the accelerator and call Alan Jones, sobbing. Sometimes I hide under the dashboard. A consequence of this is that I’m prone to running over a towelhead or an Abbo or two. Messy also.

Ah well. Stuff happens.

They were probably dole bludgers, anyway.

Toodles!

xx Miranda