MirandaDevine.com

The great thing about working for a large soulless corporation happy family like Fairfax is that I can go on an impromptu holiday for a week and not have to worry about writing my own articles.

After my good friend Phil was rudely sacked from his position as chairman of TransGrid, I was most upset. Unfortunately, I couldn’t unleash my fury at the perpetrators of this heinous act, as I don’t really know how all those big power-thingy companies work. So, instead of letting the matter slide, I did what I always do in these circumstances – take a long vacation!

All I have to do is tell my editor that I’ll email him my column before Wednesday, and I can do whatever I like. This week, I went and hung out in the sunny Carribean, to get away from the horrific scenes still being broadcast of the US mid-term elections. Now, TransGrid is about as far as you can get from my area of journalistic expertise (dole bludgers &c.). So I had to come up with a plan to help my old friend Phil.

Being the smartest person in Australia, this didn’t take me long.

The solution? Phil wrote the article himself, and I put my name on the top of it. I didn’t even have to proof-read it! Easiest money I have ever earned.

The result? A rambling, disconnected rant against the Labor party and the unions. Completely indistinguishable from my normal writing style.

Now, it’s time for my weekly Botox injections, and then I think I’ll write an exposee of corruption and coverups in the NSW Government. It’s only a pity Milton had to go and try to top himself – my editor has made me hold onto my article about him until he’s at least out of the hospital.

Toodles!

xx Miranda