MirandaDevine.com

I always throw in a little bit of goss at the end of my column to fill out my weekly word quota. As I was telling one of my girlfriends this morning, I find few things more sexually titillating than a bit of 007. The current edition, Mr Daniel Craig, is simply a sensational, spangdoodlingly splendiferous sausage of a man! I’d love to take a bite out of him (provided we were married first). Actually, I don’t know if i’d really bite him…it might just be a bit of a conservative nibble…or a peck on the cheek…oh, hang it all! I’d give him a ROARING GOOD SHAGGING!

My theory is that anyone who dislikes James Bond is most likely a repulsive, left-wing dole-bludger who is simply jealous that Mr Bond has a respected and well-paying job. The only red-blooded woman who could possibly dislike Daniel Craig would have be a single mother, and this would be purely out of jealousy for the fact that she doesn’t have the chaste, sultry, high-income-no-kids thing that I have got going on. James Bond, with his rippling chest and chiselled jawline, picking up some breastfeeding tramp’s kids from school? Hah! What pish-tosh, but you single mothers should have thought about that before you so eagerly hopped into bed with that silly, left-wing, Joe Nobody university lad. After all, look what happened to that little harlot, Schapelle Corby!

Of course, the fact that 007 is so splurgerifically surperb is further justification for the War in Iraq and the correctness of the Coalition of the Willing. But I don’t really have time to talk about that since I’m typing this entry on my Blackberry while driving, and I really should turn off autopilot mode at some point. I’m a big fan of this newfangled “cruise control” business on all the latest 4WDs: driving has become a doddle! As a matter of fact, I might leave autopilot on for now - I’ll get up for a couple of minutes and go and make myself a cup of tea. Oopsies…I just crashed through somebody’s backyard and ran over their garden gnomes. Which does remind me, I must upgrade my bullbar before next Wednesday, since I’m travelling to Bankstown to pick up some rhodedendrons for the front yard…

Toodles!

xx Miranda