MirandaDevine.com

That bastion of left-wing back-slapping, the Walkley Awards, was on again last night at Crown Casino in Melbourne. After winning a couple of hundred thousand in the high rollers room, I was ready to have a quick all-over massage, facial, manicure, pedicure, and spray-on tan, then head down to the ceremony.

Now, obviously I was only attending for the free canapes and a peek at the hot young talent, but nevertheless, I thought that the judges might take the opportunity to award me with the award for commentary, analysis, opinion and critique, especially with my recent branching out into the blogging sector of the media. Indeed, I had even nominated my own piece Dial 007 for HUBBA HUBBA in the hope of gaining some recognition, but to no avail. That darling of the pinko left, Paul McGeough, stole my thunder with his defeatist series of articles on Iraq.

Speaking of Iraq, apparently they don’t even have sun beds over there! No wonder they can’t develop a proper middle class. You can have all the democracy in the world, but with only working class schlobs to vote, you’re never going to be able to rise up above all your silly burqa-wearing antics, get out of the Middle East and become more like glorious Middle Australia.

But getting back to the awards ceremony, imagine my discomfort when it was announced that satirist Stephen Mayne would be presenting the business news award at the ceremony. This leftie-pinko shit stirrer just makes my blood boil, sitting back in his anonymous little internet world while the real journalists are out there on the front lines, cruising the streets of Mosman and Bellevue Hill to identify the real issues plaguing Middle Australia.

I immediately left the ceremony and had a nice long bubble bath (accompanied by a bottle of Bollinger and a massage by a nice Swedish bloke). As I returned to the ceremony, I heard some kind of a scuffle in place. Imagine my indignation when I saw my good friend Glenn Milne being escorted from the premises, his only crime knocking a bit of sense into the lefties in the room. Much to my dismay, his heroic attack on Stephen Mayne didn’t even cause any internal bleeding.

The media is being taken over by the left - slowly and surely. Why else do you think ABC journalists won no less than eight awards last night? Including the two awards won by SBS, that makes a total of 30% of the awards going to proven dirty pinkos (a special thanks to my financial advisors for performing that little calculation for me). And these are the people claiming about lack of diversity in the media! What about diversity in awards, you leftie scum?

Anyway, the next time Stpehen Mayne is walking down the main street of a decent, four-wheel-drive owning piece of suburbia, you know what to do. I’m installing a brand new bull bar just in case I get to him first.

Toodles!

xx Miranda