The Martyr of Middle Australia is Back!!!
Published January 24th, 2007 in GeneralThis is a message to all the howling vegan cyclists and the raging leftist, communist, cuscus-lovers littering the internet with ideological guff; to all those transgendered banana-bending leftwing male secretaries who listen to that post-modern leprechaun noisebox, U2, whilst prancing around your apartments in purple tights. You’d better grab another bottle of chardonnay because you’re not going to like this.
I am back from holiday!!!! Hah!
Run that one up the flagpole, you pathetic Marxists! The glorious everyman of Middle Australia, rueing his astronomical Christmas credit card debt, finally has something to celebrate!
I, Miranda Esmerelda Gloria Devine, have returned from my Christmas vacation!
And I must say, I have quite the tan. I look positively sumptuous at this minute. So spangdoodlingly racy in a swimsuit, in fact, that I sent a bunch of Christmas cards to Daniel Craig, that sausagingly spendiferous specimen of a male! After all, 6 weeks spent lying atop my roof on one’s sunbed, drinking martinis and bathing in the glorious rays of Devine Righteousness, does wonders for one’s complexion! And would you believe it, my magnolias are in full bloom.
There’s only one word for it….
Glorious!!!
Here’s to a superb new year of being 100 percent correct, 100 percent of the time.
Toodles!
xx Miranda
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Oh Miranda,
How I missed thee. Thou art my lordess and saviour, for I am a middle Australian.
But Miranda, I am in a dilemma.
Over my glorious middle-Australian, ultra-consumerist, air-conditioned, christmas I realised that I when I purchased those three plasma TV screens and additional air conditioning units from that glorious temple to middle-Australia known as Parramatta Westfield, I got…. *the schock*…. a credit card bill.
Despite having credit cards since I was 16, I never seem to be able to remember that when I buy stuff, I must pay for it.
THose bloody pinko-scums at the bank have screwed me over again by insisting that I make a payment on my credit card. Today Tonight is right - the banks are the enemy of middle Australia. Oh I wish Naiomi was here so she could chase some random bank executive down a street shouting glorious middle Australian slogans at them, and accuse them of being “un-Australian”!
So Miranda, what should I do?
If I pay my debt, I will be feeding the enemey of middle Australia, and my ability to buy more middle-Australian plasmas will be reduced.
But if I do not, then don’t I become a marxist commie-bastard myself?
Miranda: I beseech three: I need your 100% correct righteous advice.
Praise and glory be to Miranda: the supreme lordess of middle Australia
I have just read in the glorious middle australian publication ‘Good Weekend’ that Plasma Tv’s use up to 4 times as much power as your regular cathode variety, and that every time I turn on Mcleod’s Daughters i am contributing to the greenhouse effect.
How dare those dreadlocked, vegan, left wing, lesbian greenie cyclists put this guilt-trip on me! I am playing the world’s smallest violin! If i cannot watch glorious Australian television in all its glorious high-definition, flat-screened beauty then i dont want to watch it at all! Besides, by purchasing said plasma tv on my no-limit credit card, i am contributing to the strength of the australian economy! What have they ever done? Nothing for nobody!
Keep up the good work, Miranda, and if you ever need it, I know the name of a good Cuscus exterminator. Which reminds me, I must hop into my brank spanking new Ford Territory and pick up some replacement Rhododendrons for the last ones that got nibbled on
Jenny
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