MirandaDevine.com

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times. Recycling, desalination, stormwater harvesting, water restrictions - they are all a load of wombat testicles. What’s more, certain fools in the less-than-glorious leftist department down in the bowels of the SMH have been spreading their ridiculous poll results saying that 80% of people would drink recycled water!

Middle Australia, don’t let these nincompoops pull the wool over your eyes: you wouldn’t drink recycled water, and neither would the rest of our glorious nation. So what if they drink the crap over in Asia - this is far-superior Middle Australia, and if you want to start drinking your own piss, then I suggest that you bugger off back to ching-chong China land.

To disprove these spurious polls that are being bandied around, I have decided to run my own exclusive poll. As you can see on the right of the page, the results have already proven beyond doubt the incredlity of the AC-Neilsen poll, with 99.8% of people saying that they would not like to drink from a toilet bowl. if you disagree, please, feel free to make your own vote known on the poll.

Why will no-one sit up and take notice of probably the most inspired piece of wisdom to come out of the SMH this century? Week after week, the solution to our water crisis appears in my column, and week after week leftist naysayers and guilt-trippers brush it aside in favour of drinking their own excreta like it was Dom Perignon ‘93. Well, damn you, faux-environmentalists and anti-developmentists. It’s time to embrace the most glorious correctness of my policy - build more dams!

The sheer simplistic actuality of my gloriously unredoubtable logic cannot be suppressed. Water comes from dams. We don’t have enough water. Therefore, we need more dams! It doesn’t take the guile and cunning of a nuclear brain-scientist to follow our water problem to its inevitable solution. Why then, are we mired with these two political leaders, kowtowing to the environmentalists, and arguing over two equally idiotic solutions?

Instead of sweeping the successors to the Carr government out of office, the repugnant Peter Debnam is handing the election to Labor on a poo-coated platter, by turning the election into a referendum on drinking sewage.

This whole debacle has gotten me so riled up, I need to go and take a nice cold shower. If the NSW governments of the past 20 years had the balls to invest in some infrastructure, I could do so without being guilt tripped into limiting my time under the running water to half an hour.

Toodles!

xx Miranda