MirandaDevine.com

Middle Australians beware! Our glorious nation is under siege from all angles, ably assisted by our increasingly left-leaning politicians.

Head to the coast for five minutes and you’ll see a veritable onslaught of muslims, Asians, communists and Greens senators boating it on over to our divine homeland. And who is there to stop them? Where is our supposedly ever-vigilant coastguard to enforce the greatest Solution since January 20, 1942?

84 Sri Lankans and Bono came perilously close to our shores last Wednesday, and my sources have revealed that they were only captured when the coastguard heard Bono’s wailing from 100kms away. Meanwhile Kevin Andrews, John Howard and Alexander Downer are too busy banning light bulbs and taxing four-wheel-drives to bother keeping these scumbag refugees away from our shores.

In a sad indictment of how far we have come from the 1950s White Middle Australia policy, the leftist media is actually supporting these queue jumpers, whose only mission (I am led to believe) was to sap Middle Australia of its precious bodily fluids, as well as probably taking photos of our military facilities for use in planning terror attacks.

Thankfully common sense has reigned in this matter, and these darkies are being shipped straight back to Sri Lanka, along with a few other leprechauns and cuscusses I managed to smuggle onto the boat before it left.

Speaking of common sense, what about this Brenton Pavier character who was unceremoniously dumped from the Lib’s Wyong ticket this week. I mean come on, the man has a great body! I just love chest hair!

Brenton’s only crime was to forward on a text message, saying “The video you have ordered about how to have sex with men with small penises is ready for collection and the DVD titled Anal Sex with Goats is overdue.” I mean seriously, I myself received a very similar message from my video store the other day, but I didn’t march round there and sack them, I just returned the videos and they waived the fee.

The problem today with Middle Australia is that video store owners (who are probably all leftist commies) have become obsessed with late fees. Sometimes people just feel like spending the day relaxing in their sunbeds, and simply haven’t the time to get out and return their overnight movies. Surely the video shops could get a sense of decency and start showing some leniency?

Besides, to save the environment, I have decided to only drive my Toyota Monstrosity every second day. I purchased myself a brand spanking new Toyota Ministrosity two days ago - drives like a dream, only takes up 1.5 lanes, and uses 3% less fuel than my old car! Plus, it still counts as a four-wheel-drive, so you still get the great tax concessions!

Speaking of counting, only 26 more days until the state election. I’m hoping that everyone becomes so disillusioned with the whole process that they forget to vote, and the entire charade of state government is simply disbanded. We’ll appoint a glorious administrator to run our beautiful state - and who more appropriate than the Duke of Deliciousness himself, Daniel Craig!

Do your duty Middle Australia - chuck that ballot paper in the bin.

Toodles!

xx Miranda