MirandaDevine.com

Finally, that raging leftist lesbian nanny-goat of doom, Lord Mayor Clover “eating the sheets off the washing line because I’m an urban leftist bong smoker” Moore has gotten something right. Her anti-terror go bag is truly an ingenious proposition. I now have a Go Bag all packed and sitting in the back of the Toyota Monstrosity, ready to go when the towelheads finally do what all of correct-minded Middle Australia has known for so long that they’re going to do - commit a terrorist attack.

Even that ruddy-faced nerd-herder, Kevin Rudd, is in agreement. Not to give credence to anyone’s opinion who sits to the left of Tony Abbott, but honestly, if that homosexual midget sympathiser agrees, then anyone who doesn’t must be loopy, or chatterbox civil rights lawyers.

For the benefit of my informed Middle Australian readers, I thought I would espouse the contents of my go bag. I’m not sure if ‘espoused’ is the right word to use there, but I’m the correct one around here.

Miranda Esmerelda Diamond Gloriosa Devine’s Anti-Terrorism Go Bag.

1. Shotgun with plenty of ammunition, sawn-off for maximum collateral damage;
2. Bio-chemical suit, in case contact with leftists is required to engage in peace treaties;
3. Mathematics degree transcript, in case anybody questions my authority or intelligence during time of chaos;
4. Tins of baked beans, kidney beans and chick peas for sustenance while hiding in bomb shelters;
5. Box of matches, because lighting farts in bomb shelters after consuming legumes is the best entertainment money can’t buy;
6. Plasma screen television to keep up to date with latest developments;
7. Sri Lankan Immigrant pedal-powered electricity generator, to power said plasma screen television;
8. Life size picture of Daniel Craig (hubba hubba);
9. Aboriginal house slaves; and
10. Sudoku and colouring books for when I get bored.

Superb. The only issue that concerned me is where I was going to “Go” once I had my “Go Bag” all packed, but being the genius that I am, I solved that one quick smart. I currently have several immigrants building me a bomb shelter in the back yard. Glorious. I will hole myself up there and fight until the death! No lawyers allowed in! I will never be taken alive, muslim doctors with terroristic tendencies!!!!!

After all - so many history’s greatest died valiantly in bomb shelters, didn’t they? Yes, they did.

Toodles!!
xx Miranda