MirandaDevine.com

Haneef in an online chat room

What on earth is this “QC” business? Every second lawyer with a bit of experience is referring to themselves as a “QC” lately. What in Whitlam’s buggery does QC even stand for? Quite Communist? I think so!

What a load of hogswash and tiddlywinks these learned bookworm intellectual bottomfeeders peddle! Put down your chardonnays and listen up, Queer Charlie barristers of Australia: just because you windbagging blow-your-own-alpenhorn peace-mongers have a law degree and wear a powdered wig, doesn’t mean you’re more correct than me. I’m the one producing literary masterpieces. I’m the one Fairfax publishes.

I’m the one with the mathematics degree! I’m Miranda Esmerelda Diamond Agapantha Gloriosa Devine!

Which of course, makes me an authority on all things legal. I’ll let you in on a little secret, lefty-barrister scum: Laws are there to protect the population. To preserve the glorious Middle Australian, his house, his car, his plasma screen and his magnolia tree. To let him water his lawn without fear of a terrorist attack on his rhododendrons or the Harbour Bridge.

Which is why I propose we scrap the judicial system altogether.

Hearsay is a load of garbage! There is nothing better than an unqualified assertion. Here’s one for you: Kevin Rudd told me that he eats aboriginal babies. Alive! Hah!

I just don’t understand why we’d want to help criminals like Dr Haneef, infesting our children’s internet chatrooms and planning all kinds of voodoo muslim higgledypiggledy, when we can simply trump up the charges and wash our hair of society’s nits!

I propose that we just let that glorious hunk of All-Australian Man-meat, Mick Keelty, sort it out. He is more intelligent than all the barristers in the universe. What’s more, he’s a police officer.

This is a completely infallible proposition, yet again. The Glorious Fellowship of the Completely and Utterly Correct agreed with me completely at last night’s cognac and poker party.

Never fear, Middle Australian readers of glory. Innocent people don’t need justice. Further, be assured that the Howard government has never lied about anything. They are the single most transparent institution this glorious nation of cricketers has ever produced. I can prove it. In fact, while we’re on the topic of chatrooms, I will disclose the contents of an internet chat conversation I had with Alexander Downer a little while back.

Devine69r: Hi Alex you l33t0.

SausagePantsForeignMinisterR0xx0r: Hi. :(:(

Devine69r: LOL LOL LOL! There is nothing like a r3p0rt from the government to silence the howling, homosexual, Rastafarian civil rights rent-a-quote lawyers of the left. Excellent work Alex. u Rock FTW BBQ!

SausagePantsForeignMinisterR0xx0r: Oh but Miranda I’m so worried. IMHO i’m in serious shit right now.

Devine69r: Y????

Devine69r: (btw KKK ftw mthafkr :):P:):PPPP)

SausagePantsForeignMinisterR0xx0r: I forgot to take off my lipstick before parliament. OMFG OMFG OMFG i’mmmm sKreeeewwed.

Devine69r: yo, the electorate may absolutely loathe u, but darling, it has absolutely nothing to with the fact that u dress up in stilettos and fishnet stockings on the weekend. Or that the boys at that leftist club in Kings Cross refer to you as ‘SausagePants’. :)))

Devine69r: srsly.

SausagePantsForeignMinisterR0xx0r: huh?

Devine69r: seriously.

SausagePantsForeignMinisterR0xx0r: oh.

SausagePantsForeignMinisterR0xx0r: r u sure?

Devine69r: yep. ftw mthafkr. omgbbqgrass

SausagePantsForeignMinisterR0xx0r: Thank god 4 that.

SausagePantsForeignMinisterR0xx0r: ….

SausagePantsForeignMinisterR0xx0r: ……….

Devine69r: waaaaaat??????????????

SausagePantsForeignMinisterR0xx0r: What about when I did my Star Spangled Dangled-Doodle Lapdance for Pres Bush? Do they know about that???????

***KevinAndrews{N0-V1sAs-4-CuRRIes} has joined the chatroom.***

KevinAndrews{N0-V1sAs-4-CuRRIes}: WTF?Hellooooooo??????

Devine69r: Nothing has been found out about you.

SausagePantsForeignMinisterR0xx0r: Sure?

Devine69r: Nothing has been found out about you.

SausagePantsForeignMinisterR0xx0r: K.

KevinAndrews{N0-V1sAs-4-CuRRIes}: WTF? Who’s SausagePantsForeignMinisterR0xx0r??????

Devine69r: Uh….it’s Mohamed Haneef.

KevinAndrews{N0-V1sAs-4-CuRRIes}: k. Kewl. bye.

***KevinAndrews{N0-V1sAs-4-CuRRIes} has left the chatroom.***

Devine69r: LOL kbai.

SausagePantsForeignMinisterR0xx0r: hahahaha. bi…..

SausagePantsForeignMinisterR0xx0r: ………sexual. :P:P:P:

Devine69r: LOLOOLOLOL ROFL ROFL OMG. gnite.

Barristers, go jump off a short pier and take your bleating leftist followers with you. Due process is for dolebludgers, fags, and aborigines!!!!!!!!!!!! Why wait in line when you can drive straight over the top of it?

Toodles!

xx Miranda