“What’s that smell?” “Oh, it’s John Thorpe, but it won’t last long.”
Published November 9th, 2007 in General, Miranda the social revolutionary, Politics
To the Australian Hotels Association and all the barristers that represent it: each day I grow more powerful. I am the raging, flaming incarnation of Influence itself. I am an immolation, sent back in time to burn through red tape and be a beacon of courage. I am a lobbying superpower that galvanises glorious Middle Australia and coaxes it into action. One glorious, united, informed nation of Average Joes.
Truly Glorious.
Don’t fuck with me, John Thorpe, you blue-singletted buffoon. I strung you up from the rafters of the beer swilling barns that you love so much. To me, you are nothing more than the fart in the crowded pub that causes every Middle Australian to exclaim “That’s a bit wrong…was that you, mate?”. You were offensive, but you dissipated. You split into a billion pieces and wafted into the night air. You settled on the walls in tiny gaseous bubble particles. You are nothing more than a distant, lager fuelled memory.
Watch out, Joe Hildebrand of the Daily Telegraph. I saw your facetious comment to my post from a while back. I am the Big Dog of Australian journalism, and you just pissed on my fire hydrant. The audacity! Joe, if you dare write as much as one more word that even remotely attempts to criticise my astonishing talent, you’ll be joining Mr Thorpe.
My latest victory gives me much hope for November 24. According to the latest left-leaning poll, the Glorious John Winston Howard is really in a pickle. However, I am hoping that on account of the new and ‘funky’ bars that should start popping up as a result of my efforts, all the Leftist, Greenpeace-Loving Sausage Warriors will be drunk at the polls on that fine Saturday morning. As drunkards tend to do, they will vote for the Shooter’s Party, just for a laugh. Hah! Those Leftist, Marxist, university-attending comedians won’t be so smug when they find out where their preferences go!
A glorious plan! Honest John, you have nothing to worry about. Interest rates will not harm you. And with 15 days left, you also have plenty of time to recapture the House. After all, there’s plenty of ocean, there’s plenty of refugees wandering around the place (I have a large family rapidly multiplying on my roof, in fact), and my late uncle Ted willed me a leaky tinny that I’ve been trying to find a use for.
Toodles!
xx Miranda
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I swear it wasn’t facetious Miranda. I don’t even know what that means.
miranda you can go shove it. he is a decent man who works hard and provides for others no harm is caused by his actions….. if others wish to be hooligans when on the piss you cant blame that on some one else….. you cannot control everyone as its so clear that you wish to by imposing your personal beliefs to judge the character of a man… who has defied the odds and succeeded what will you accomplish in your life??? how many people have you brought event a small bit off joy to?. i dont think that many and also john thorpe will be remebered and you forgotten….. shove it slut