As I sit and gaze out through the window (oooh it has dirt spots on it…note to self - sack the cleaner. Bloody 457 visa!) of my lower north shore apartment and ponder your latest submission for the betterment of the sydney nay, lower north shore lifestyle, I can finally start to see your vision unfold.

However, it is in the detail that I find solace. For as I cheerfully quaffed chardonnay and discussed the next successful three year reign of his holiness John Winston with various colleagues in Cremorne last night, I stumbled upon a further qualification of your vision.

As I stepped out into the early morning crisp lower north shore air (some would call it a stagger, but they don’t live on the lower north shore do they?) I realized after a few short minutes that I may have to walk the entire 5 or 600 metres home.

What no appropriate lower north shore transportation I hear you ask? Yes that’s right, no appropriate lower north shore transportation…(dramatic music in the background).

Of course I stumbled upon not the 3PM changeover but the dreaded 3AM changeover time! (Shit! There’s that bloody music again)

And not a bloody taxi in sight!

“Where is my gypsy?” I cried. But alas no answer, just the sound of silence (and the rumblings of the 253 bus) in the bracing morning air.

After trudging home and getting some well needed chardonnay induced sleep, what do I find when awake and check the beacon of modern Australian lifestyle website (that’s this one…) but a full length, no holds barred attack on the very system that left me high and dry only 8 hours ago.

Miranda, I’m not sure how you do it. It’s like you’ve got a finger on the pulse of the middle Australian nation. For only eight hours before I was crying out for an undeodorised immigrant to ferry to my front doorstep (for the price of $2.80 – and not a penny more!).

Where’s my gypsy? Ladies and gentleman I give you Miranda Devine.

However, per my usual commentary I have a few suggestions,

1.All newly licensed gypsy taxis will be Hummers,
2.All newly licensed gypsy hummer taxis shall have right of way of any western suburbs dweller that has lost their way on the lower north shore (all the faster to get middle Australia home at a reasonable hour),
3.In fact all newly licensed gypsy hummer taxis shall have the power the run down any aforementioned western suburbs dweller,
4.All newly licensed gypsy hummer taxis shall be air conditioned and said air conditioning shall be left on 24/7 regardless of whether there are occupants in the vehicle (including the driver),
5.NO LPG CONVERSIONS!
6.As part of the contract to set up license in the Sydney area there shall be specialized lower north shore gypsy taxis that shall be fitted with 42”, no fuck it, 50” Plasma televisions. Also they shall have roof mounted clean coal fired sunbed reposes.

Miranda I hope this helps, I just wish I could do more! Good luck with the quest, we’re all behind you.

HooRoo
Anthony

Anthony, my sweet,

I will grace you with my comments to your suggestions. See my remarks below in all caps.

1.All newly licensed gypsy taxis will be Hummers, AN EXCELLENT NOTION
2.All newly licensed gypsy hummer taxis shall have right of way of any western suburbs dweller that has lost their way on the lower north shore (all the faster to get middle Australia home at a reasonable hour), ENSURE BULLBARS ARE APPROPRIATELY FITTED
3.In fact all newly licensed gypsy hummer taxis shall have the power the run down any aforementioned western suburbs dweller, THIS GOES WITHOUT SAYING
4.All newly licensed gypsy hummer taxis shall be air conditioned and said air conditioning shall be left on 24/7 regardless of whether there are occupants in the vehicle (including the driver), OF COURSE! WHAT WITH ALL THIS GLOBAL WARMING, COOL SURROUNDINGS ARE A MUST!
5.No LPG conversions! WHAT IS LPG?
6.As part of the contract to set up license in the Sydney area there shall be specialized lower north shore gypsy taxis that shall be fitted with 42”, no fuck it, 50” Plasma televisions. Also they shall have roof mounted clean coal fired sunbed reposes. YOU SHOULD CONSIDER A POLITICAL CAREER.

Toodles!
xx Miranda