Bring on the Gypsies
Published November 14th, 2007 in Miranda the social revolutionary
Gypsy cabs - the way of the future
Following my glorious victory over fascist bullyboy and dog-owner John Thorpe, I am embarking on my freshest campaign. With the silent voices of a million Sydney-siders behind me, I grandly stride past my agapanthus and out into the North Shore wilderness, and for an instant, I understand just how Jesus must have felt as he delivered his Sermon on the Mount. Indeed, my next foe is equal in deviousness to those tempestuous money changers of biblical times, and for the sacrifice I am about to make, I will surely be hailed as a hero.
Middle Australia, people power has a face, and that face is Miranda. She will sweep all before her in third-person righteousness, and bring equality and justice to inebriated businessmen. She will leap from bar to bar, with a bottle of chardonnay in one hand and a copy of Quadrant Magazine in the other, and vanquish the vegan cyclists, union officials and beer-swillers back to the inner west where they belong. Sydney will become a haven of culture, sophistication, and the people will wait à bouche ouverte for deliverance from the greatest threat to our prosperity yet faced this decade.
The 3pm taxi changeover time.
For too long, the NSW Government has been allow to run this city à tort et à travers, and hard-working bons vivants have been forced to crowd into dirty pubs at lunchtime, only to find that there is no transport waiting for them when they leave at 2:30pm. The fat-cats fill their coffers with the cash from taxi licences, yet they do not attempt to ensure that the taxpayer receives a reasonable level of service! Friends, souses, countrymen, lend me your ears. I come to bury Thorpe, not to praise him. The evil that men do lives after them, the good is oft interred with their bones, so let it be with Thorpe. Let the streets be awash with fine wine, civilised conversation and concours d’elegance.
And now that we have won our first glorious victory, let us not rest, but let us raise our voices again, and demand that the city be flooded with taxis. And not just any old regulated, state-sanctioned taxis! In the name of Middle Australia, I demand that Sydney become a haven for Gypsy Cabs! The pinnacle of any society is its ability to generate employment for illegal immigrants through the transportation of the middle and upper classes, yet we lag sadly behind. My grandiose footsteps can carry me only so far, yea, even Miranda must eventually rest and be transported to her place of repose!
For it is only after returning home, following a few nice glasses of vin du pays, that this demimondaine can perch atop her sunbed, look out over her constituency, and continue to make the world a better place with her words of wisdom.
Governments come and go, but the Gypsy Cab dream is eternal. All we need is some daring young entrepeneur to make the dream a reality.
Toodles!
xx Miranda
One Response to “Bring on the Gypsies”
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Dear Miranda,
As I sit and gaze out through the window (oooh it has dirt spots on it…note to self - sack the cleaner. Bloody 457 visa!) of my lower north shore apartment and ponder your latest submission for the betterment of the sydney nay, lower north shore lifestyle, I can finally start to see your vision unfold.
However, it is in the detail that I find solace. For as I cheerfully quaffed chardonnay and discussed the next successful three year reign of his holiness John Winston with various colleagues in Cremorne last night, I stumbled upon a further qualification of your vision.
As I stepped out into the early morning crisp lower north shore air (some would call it a stagger, but they don’t live on the lower north shore do they?) I realized after a few short minutes that I may have to walk the entire 5 or 600 metres home.
What no appropriate lower north shore transportation I hear you ask? Yes that’s right, no appropriate lower north shore transportation…(dramatic music in the background).
Of course I stumbled upon not the 3PM changeover but the dreaded 3AM changeover time! (Shit! There’s that bloody music again)
And not a bloody taxi in sight!
“Where is my gypsy?” I cried. But alas no answer, just the sound of silence (and the rumblings of the 253 bus) in the bracing morning air.
After trudging home and getting some well needed chardonnay induced sleep, what do I find when awake and check the beacon of modern Australian lifestyle website (that’s this one…) but a full length, no holds barred attack on the very system that left me high and dry only 8 hours ago.
Miranda, I’m not sure how you do it. It’s like you’ve got a finger on the pulse of the middle Australian nation. For only eight hours before I was crying out for an undeodorised immigrant to ferry to my front doorstep (for the price of $2.80 – and not a penny more!).
Where’s my gypsy? Ladies and gentleman I give you Miranda Devine.
However, per my usual commentary I have a few suggestions,
1.All newly licensed gypsy taxis will be Hummers,
2.All newly licensed gypsy hummer taxis shall have right of way of any western suburbs dweller that has lost their way on the lower north shore (all the faster to get middle Australia home at a reasonable hour),
3.In fact all newly licensed gypsy hummer taxis shall have the power the run down any aforementioned western suburbs dweller,
4.All newly licensed gypsy hummer taxis shall be air conditioned and said air conditioning shall be left on 24/7 regardless of whether there are occupants in the vehicle (including the driver),
5.NO LPG CONVERSIONS!
6.As part of the contract to set up license in the Sydney area there shall be specialized lower north shore gypsy taxis that shall be fitted with 42”, no fuck it, 50” Plasma televisions. Also they shall have roof mounted clean coal fired sunbed reposes.
Miranda I hope this helps, I just wish I could do more! Good luck with the quest, we’re all behind you.
HooRoo
Anthony