More leftist attacks on Middle Australia
Published November 16th, 2007 in Politics
Middle Australia has had enough of the left.
I ask you, Middle Australia: what do the following people have in common?
- Danielle Ecuyer
- Monica Attard
- Julia Gillard
- Germaine Greer
- Paris Hilton
Don’t think too hard about it now. The answer shall be made clear to you.
Syphillis!
How dare these cheap harlots of the left dare to question the importance of my fact-finding mission to the Middle East. How dare they question the eleven year reign of the benevolent John Winston Howard. How dare they ride around in all of the available taxis, flashing their rash-ridden privates to all and sundry!
But, Middle Australia, it is not the vicious attacks on my character that concerns me. I, Miranda Esmerelda Agapanthus Gloriosa Diamond Devine, am above their criticism. I rise above it like the image of Mother Theresa, and defecate on these insignificant little worms from on high. I shit, as it were, in their shoes.
No my dear readers, it is the little people for whom I am once again spurred into action. Rudely I awaken from my wonderful dreams (involving Daniel Craig, a family size tub of yoghurt and a rubber-coated 6 D-Cell Maglite) and hear the call of the downtrodden. Those poor, defenceless voices of the silent majority are once again being trampled by the louche left, smothered in soya and battered by barley, beans and brown rice.
The vegan left are slowly and efficiently oppressing Middle Austrlia, led by that communist cyclist Carl Scully, whose flag is flown by the bitter bitches who mourn the decline of their beloved leader and economic extirpator Paul Keating at the 1996 election. For eleven long years these denizens of depravity have attacked the very fabric of Middle Australian society, and like Abigail Williams have been ousting their enemies with wild, baseless accusations.
Caroline Overington, two-time Walkely award winner and author of Kickback, the story of the AWB scandal, dared to make an innocent joke regarding an old lover’s tiff. The louche left immediately cast her to the wolves, claiming interference with the political process, despite the presence of the “cyber wink” which made clear that this was a short, jocular conversation.
Meanwhile Danielle Ecuyer, with all the grace and sophistication of an elderly dachshund in heat, has been stirring up the media by making formal complaints to the AEC. It amazes me that she has the time or ability to even write a letter of complaint, as the rest of her campaign has been spent tarting her “credentials” in a manner more suited to the front cover of Penthouse.
Phooey to you, Danielle. After the election, you will be back to selling your body on Bayswater Road, and I will continue to be the voice of the silent majority. Yet again, the good guys win, common sense prevails, and the reds are locked back under the bed.
Toodles!
xx Miranda
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Look Miranda, this is just a bit of friendly advice.
After the election you will be out of a job. This is no reflection on you or your excellent even-handed journalism, but you work for the wrong organisation.
After the election the first action of Our Dear Leader John Howard will be to close down all those subversive media organisations that had the temerity to doubt his vision of a directed society.
Fairfax is targeted to go.
But don’t worry, I’ll go and ask Our Dear Leader John Howard to put you on the shortlist for the General manager of the ABC along with Padraic McGuinness and Piers Akerman .
You made a fair point Miranda, just a couple of corrections though…
Danielle Ecuyer is not left wing, she’s an independent and syphillis has only one ‘l’ in it.
Keep the opinions running free
-Chris
I accidentally came across this post when I was searching for “Brown Rice” phone number in kings cross. Your comment to Chris Andrews has put me off my dinner.
Thanks.