MirandaDevine.com

The Previously Honourable Ms Alexandra Downer, travelling incognito.

I emerged from hiding yesterday to publish my article and batten down the hatches for a dark age of leftist backslapping.

The Transformation of Alexander Downer is now complete. The Former Foreign Minister who would be woman is now all woman, disguised from the dark hordes who would feed him/her to the lions. Alexandra, as she is now called, dropped me off at Rose Bay wharf just a few hours ago.
“I must go now, Miranda, my most loyal friend. BFFs forever, okay, sweetie?” Alexandra said, biting her lip sympathetically as the tears welled in my eyes.
“I am lost without your moral compass”, I replied forlornly, “Let’s meet for coffee, okay?”
“Okay.”
Then she was gone.

All has been lost.

Eggplant and tofu smoothies are now the boisson du jour of the ruling chardonnay-sipping chattering classes. How they chatter and giggle and chatter some more! They sneer at me in the street. It is a good thing I am now wearing my biohazard suit everywhere I go. Those evil stares are almost certainly filled with AIDS. Their queefing, vegetarian bottoms are purveyors of hepatitis-ridden farts. I have seen it: one of them cropdusted Tony Abbott and his skin turned yellow almost immediately.

The Great Rudd from the Sky reigns supreme over the barren terrain. I hear he has ditched his clever little business suit and adopted Kim Jong Il pyjamas couture. According to an underground source, he sacrificed 437 goats to celebrate his victory, bleeding their guts out all over the War Memorial. I also have it on good authority that he has taken to eating babies on a weekly basis. Look what you’ve done, Middle Australia. You thought you were so clever. You bit the glorious hand of the Glorious John Winston Howard, the man who has fed you for so long, and then proceeded to devour him whole. Like snakes! Snakes!
You are all venomous, treasonous, left-leaning snakes!

Toodles!
xx Miranda