MirandaDevine.com

Kevin Rudd:

• Eats babies;
• Made a sex tape with Paris Hilton;
• Rides a bicycle on motorways;
• Smells of Elderberries;
• Is the lovechild of Justice Kirby and Peter Garrett;
• Doesn’t watch reality television;
• Associates with communist vegan;
• Donates to Greenpeace;
• Assaults old ladies with cucumbers;
• Practises BDSM;
• Espouses Bolshevik policy;
• Had a threesome with Beth Morgan and Joe Scimone;
• Wears Therese Rein’s underwear to cabinet meetings;
• Reads Joe Hildebrand’s column;
• Listens to Enya;
• Subscribes to the Green Left Weekly;
• Worships Paul Keating; and
• Owns a hybrid vehicle.

So there.