Rudd, Garrett, Gillard. I wake up in cold sweat when I dream of this triumvirate.
Whilst other journalists are busy writing their round-ups of 2009 (2009? Paf! Not even a single newsworthy story!), I your beloved correspondent am back on top: defending the weak; exposing the shonks and just generally being glorious and beloved by all.
That’s right believers, 2010 is going to be a great year for two main reasons:
- The influx of boat people has allowed me to vastly expand my house staff, leaving me more time to educate the moral majority; and
- My parlour has been decorated with explicit photographs of our beloved Tony Abbott, replete in his Speedos (oh, the abs! The rippling biceps! Those magnificent vastus mediali!)
Excuse me while I take a cold shower.
Of course, 2010 is also an election year, and what better way for Mr Rudd to start lulling the populace into a dreamy trance than an encore performance by the Member for Kingsford-Smith? Garrett’s groaning is enough to send me celibate for days on end, and alongside notorious lefties Blasko, Faithfull and Johansen, they are threatening to dry up the conservative fluids of the nation at least until April.
But never fear, readers! I will be cranking up the Simon & Garfunkel and blogging my way through anything that the ALP can throw at us. For additional reinforcement, I am also now on Twitter!
Happy New Year!
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Devine? I hardly think so! More like a re-incarnation of that myopic, ultra right wing, anti-social, anachronistic neanderthal, the runt howard. Are you related to Gerard Henderson? Waste of good breathing air!