It’s a great day for thousands of lowlife alcoholic child abusers today, as Kevin Rudd’s booze money wings its way through the ether to bank accounts across the western suburbs. All across Australia, brickie’s labourers will be celebrating with a trip down to the pub, followed by a stop-in at the local bordello for a quickie from a diseased slapper, before heading home to bash the long-suffering missus.

What a victory for Labor! What a disappointment for Middle Australia.

All the family values that Mr Howard fought for years to uphold have been thrown out the window in the past twelve months, thanks to the rabid bunch of lefties, lesbians and labour unionists who are now farting their policies through our once-glorious parliament. Meanwhile, the economy is falling in a heap thanks to Swan’s stupidity, it is no longer safe to walk the streets of Sydney at night, and boatloads of boat people are on the verge of driving house prices through the roof once more!

Now is the time when we must hear the voice of the conservative loud and clear through the noise of the chattering classes. No longer can we afford to sit and watch as Julia Gillard hands away our hard-earned prosperity to radical fringe groups, such as the Aborigines, the environmentalists and the working classes. What Australia needs to get us through these tough times is real vision: tax cuts for the rich; longer working hours for the poor; and mandatory work for the dole programs to get some decent rail infrastructure built. We’re paying all these layabouts to lounge around at home, while the rest of us have to sit in traffic because there is not enough public transport to get the poor people off the roads! It must end now.

Friends, I have returned from the wilderness to lead the conservative revival. Lazarus with a quadruple bypass I am not, but I promise rekindle the good work of Miranda Gloriosa Esmerelda Agapanthus Bonhilde Diamond Devine and put the sword to the Queenslanders who are currently purporting to run the country. Plus, I’m angling for some more taxpayer-funded trips to go and chat up the spunks in our defense force!

Toodles!

xx Miranda